Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
