The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
You were trust falling into bushes
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
