I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Drunk is a universal language darling
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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