Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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