you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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