lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
