im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
