So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I want a musical about memes.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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