Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
