let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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