Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Randomize
