My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
