Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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