This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
