fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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