The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
