wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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