just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
