so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
