I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
