You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
