Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
