Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
