Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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