This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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