Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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