You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
