the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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