Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Can I color on your dick again?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
