I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
It's rum buckets o'clock
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
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