Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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