things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
