i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
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