If i come over, it means nothing
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
