Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
