hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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