my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
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