Your tits are I can't wait for
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
