I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
You ruined the universe
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
