i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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