They should really pass out barf bags in church
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
My bed is full of blood and feathers
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Randomize
