You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
