he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
