True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
