Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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