I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
