Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
love makes seman taste better
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
