I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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