why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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