he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
