the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
