I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
