YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
