Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
