i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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