im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
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