I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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